Why is change so hard?
The last year has been unbelievably challenging, with an unprecedented change in our lifestyles given the global pandemic we’ve been facing situations unfathomable before 2019, countrywide lockdowns, restricted travel, work from home, despite the gruellingly steep learning curve in a ‘sink or swim’ circumstance we started to paddle, now trying to navigate a new normal we look ahead with a puzzled uncertainty, will things really go back to they way things were? Was that pace of life sustainable? Was getting on a flight every 6 weeks necessary? Having gone through the last year we’ve changed forever, our perspectives are different, our values are different, we don’t take for granted the preciousness of our health and the warmth of a physical hug.
Personally, it hit home when my 92 year old grandma passed away in a Covid ward 6 months ago in Chennai. She was blessed with good health until her last few days when her lungs filled with fluid, she had a close loving family, this was her legacy, she was a mother to 7 children, 14 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren and at the heartbreaking moment when she left her body no one could be by her side, because she tested positive from the virus she died alone having represented togetherness for almost a century. The saddest part of the story is that this is not unique, as of now 100,000 people are testing positive for Covid-19 each day in India alone.
I’ve come to take this lesson as one to prioritise my closest relationships, to honour the dear connections we have in our life not knowing when it’s time to say goodbye. “Being present” is thrown around like a new age elixir, I decided to research into ancient wisdom of how exactly living in the moment can bring us peace of mind. The 3 types of misery are outlined from a 5000 year old scripture, Patanjali Yoga Sutras, commentary by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and explained by Swami Gyantej from the Art of Living Foundation.
- The pain of change
When we have to undergo change our mind get stuck in the past, whether good times or bad it feeds a loop of misery when we are mentally contrasting a highlight reel of yesteryears holiday travels to a bleak current socially distanced reality. Alternatively we get carried away in regret of what happened, thinking about how much things have changed polluted with a feeling a of loss of what was- be it financial position, relationship, fame or freedom. - Pain experienced from current situation
When we are currently in a struggle, dealing with a difficult situation- many of us have faced or have seen someone face at this moment their health being compromised, facing failing relationships, or undergoing severe financial loss, according to the CDC over 40% of adults in the US suffer from mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. - The habit of being miserable
This forms when we ruminate, when you keep replaying painful past events in your mind and holding you at a default misery in the present. It becomes difficult to see things as they are your operate from a place where being miserable feels comfortable. Have you met someone who has everything is going for them but still needs a reason to smile? Where they are so used to being glum that it’s part of their identity, subconsciously they may even derive a pleasure from the attention/sympathy from wallowing in self pity, they are comfortable being miserable and don’t seek happiness. Whether is complaining about the weather or the global economy, when we are mindless about the habits we instil it can be very dangerous as they keep us trapped in that frequency.
When we are so entangled in the changing world around us we lose ourselves trying to keep up feeling like we have our heads just above water. We get swung with the constantly fluctuating joys and sorrows of life, this is the nature of the material world- it’s full of ups and downs when we make our existence about running away from pain and chasing pleasure it results in sheer exhaustion. There is no restfulness, no calm, no silence if we only focus on the movement. So how do we deal with all the changes? Sculpting our own centre is what allows us to handle change gracefully, when we can collect ourselves and not be carried away.
In my own experience I experienced burnout trying to make everyone happy, multi tasking and double hatting, I felt weighted by all my roles, this lead to my own frustration, I was putting to much effort everywhere around me but what’s the point if I’m not happy myself, how could I try to help others? This is when I found the power of meditation, switching my lens, from the outward to inward, my 20 minutes of Sahaj Samadhi meditation, allows me that time to feel unperturbed by the changes outside and coming back to my anchor to reconnect. This started to improve my own relationship with myself, giving myself space and time from my own mind became highly regenerative, an essential part of my morning ritual. It helps you be authentic in your relationships, personally and professionally, creating that gap enables you to respond to the changes rather than reacting in fear of the changes. Anchoring to that changeless, ever present, stillness within gives us insights as a witness, taking a different vantage point of the situation often brings clarity and composure. It becomes easier to adapt in this space, isn’t it when we feel so caught up that we hold on tighter, trying to desperately to keep things to ‘the way they used to be’?
These reflections of the mechanisms of the mind taught me that it’s really in my own hands. Whether I brood, tolerate or celebrate is what I train in my behaviour. And it starts with an honest acceptance, spare the judgement and the criticism, just a simple owning up to where you are. When we don’t open up to our own short comings, focused only on blaming others, you thwart your own evolution and cannot grow. Blaming others for your pain/pleasure is ignorance, we have seen it in the business world- when a new product is introduced to the market companies have sat on fat profit margins until competition comes and lowers prices, at this time if the initial company doesn’t innovate it will be eradicated.
A marker for growth is the honesty with ourselves to where we have created a dependance outside on our inner state of joy, hoping that a changing world gives us happiness permanently is flawed logic. Notice when you say ‘if <desired goal> happens then I will be happy’ and how often that causation has failed us, after that job, that marriage, that house- happiness is not something we attain materially it’s something we cultivate within. When we feel fulfilled and calm internally wouldn’t it be easier to accept changes externally? Ironically, we’ve spent eons trying to control our outer worlds while our inner worlds ran amuck, as long as this is the case we will be stuck in one of the 3 states of misery, it’s time we shift this paradigm and finally achieve a lasting contentment.
To learn more about self awareness as a means to let go of misery and free yourself and your workforce from tension visit www.inspire-yoga.com, if you are looking for guided daily instruction to build your own practice of self-healing check out our 9 week online course Transform Stress to Success.
